Innovations

Being a foreigner in the Netherlands has its challenges. This weekend I was skiing (more in spirit than literally) in Austria with some colleagues, and it struck me how different the world is where I come from. I lack inherent components of European lifestyle.

So think out-of-the-box with me for a while.

The GPS device I bought here, TomTom, comes complete with SD card loaded with all the maps of Western Europe. You put the card in the slot and have instant access to all the alleys, highways and POIs in Western Europe. You could demand with the touch of the screen to see where the closest petrol station, castle or parking garage is.

Now, this being the year 2007 and human cloning is almost (if not entirely possible) why not consider my idea.

Culture plug-ins. Sure, the exact details need to be worked out in terms of input mechanism, auto-update and political implications, but it is none the less a perfect answer to my dilemma (and I supposed for others like me too).

It would go something like this:

On Thursday before our trip, after making a stop at the car service station to change get winter tyres and snow chains, I would also have made a stop at the Institute of Multi-cultural Technologies (IMT) – to receive my upload.

This would instantly enable me to understand après ski, speak German (of course), have good hand-eye coordination in order to stay upright on skis, actually grasping the relationship between boots, skis and those strange sticks and why this is fun.

This would eliminate the tourist-like behaviour I unconsciously displayed when we arrived at the ski lift – actually called “gondel”.

Of course, as it goes with any reputable software vendor, the offering would consist of a basic package, including the above mentioned functionalities, and extra add-ons at ridiculously inflated prices (think of the relationship between toner and a new printer!).

These optional extras would include driving in snow, feeling of belonging (priced per group), and of course the faux-pas elimination module.

Again, think with me. This is huge.

If I reverse the situation, European visitors wanting to have an African experience can purchase the basic South African module including the latest safety “look over your shoulder technologies” ™, a choice of eleven official languages and the universal minibus taxi hand signs.

Optional knowledge packs can include:

• How not to behave like a Chinese tourist in a game lodge and get eaten
• Arriving at the Oliver Tambo International Airport (name subject to change) and find a reputable taxi, and
• a deep understanding of electric fencing, its usage and the cultural implications. (In Beta testing this component would crash when asked to explain Thabo Mbeki´s R90 million security wall)

As you can probably see, I have put some thought into this.

It makes me think of this quote I once heard:

“Money cannot buy happiness, but it can pay a small research team to find out what exactly the problem is.”

Working for IBM, the innovator’s innovator, I think I might be on to something.

Definitely calling the research lab first thing tomorrow…