Istanbul: Episode 1

I should have known… Ipek Palas (read palace)….

As always, I went for second cheapest. I booked the hotel on the internet, thinking “How bad can it be?”

Actually the story starts at the Conrad Hilton – Istanbul:

After living in style for two nights at this fantastic hotel where staff never walk in front of you, are always there, yet invisible, and 24 hour room service, I left the life of luxury and went on my journey for the “real” Istanbul.

A taxi ride with a doubtful driver (reminding me of the joke: "My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep, unlike his passengers screaming in horror"), I was safely delivered to the Ipek Palas.

Checking in seemed ok, the front office clerk rattled on about guided tours, breakfast on the terrace and other useful (yet confusing) information. I was guided to my room by a very young (what is the legal age for working in Turkey?) boy-man, and as he opened the door…

I experienced a shock that I have last felt when I arrived in Chiang Kai-shek airport in Taiwan. Complete and utter shock. This must be the smallest hotel room in the world. Similar to the Trainspotting bathroom being the filthiest.

Sure, I booked a single, but still.

The bathroom is bigger than the room. One could consider moving the mattress to the spot before the shower; it might create more ambience.

Since the boy-man was still standing in the doorway I calmly requested if they have any other (read bigger!) rooms available. Nodding in understanding, he picked up the internal phone and called the front desk. After rambling on in Turkish, he assured me that I could have a double room for 10 euros per night extra. Fantastic! But, I said, (not hitting my head against the same rock twice), I would like to see it first. Yes, he said, no problem. And left.

Calling loudly after him like a real American tourist, I asked again if I could see the room. Now? Yes, he assured me. And left. Again. Without me.

Completely confused, as I was still startled by the passionate (read wet) kiss he planted on my right hand just before his swift departure, I went downstairs.

Assuming (my fault, I know!) that the front office desk person was on the other side of the mentioned telephone conversation, I asked him if I could see the room.

The answer was clear and in English: The hotel is full. No double or any other rooms available. At any price.

I felt like throwing my hands in the air and shouting “Wo ting bu dong!”

Hey, it worked in Taiwan…